We're as good as
by LunaFromBakerStreet
Summary: Changes are an inherent part of life and Sirius Black will have many opportunities to see it. Translated into English by @merthured (tumblr).
1. Chapter 1

_Awful_ , thought Sirius when for the third time this week he had to eat half-burned and half-raw (both at once) scrambled eggs. If he weren't so impatient, he'd maybe try and make it once again from scratch, but he just sat at the table with his plate and a slice of bread in his hand. It shouldn't bother him, as he was a bachelor, but he was too used to clean house and meals prepared by house elfs to now just accept all the filth and disgusting breakfasts. Unfortunately, living on his own instead of motivate him to work motivated him to just visit James more often and benefit from that.

 _Maybe I should get married as well. If she cooked as good as Lily I wouldn't have anything to complain about_. He snorted at that. As if there was ever any chance that he, Sirius Black, would get himself a lovely little family that he could come home to, and that his home would smell of fresh bread and apple pie. He winced, and not because of the disgusting eggs.

Although James didn't seem to suffer from being married. He was lucky that he met such a good girl, otherwise it probably wouldn't work. If anyone could help the Prongs Sirius knew from school settle down, it was Lily. She wasn't like bitchy wives from the jokes one tells over some ale. She was full of compassion, always ready to take care of someone or teach a lesson if someone was being a moron (the latter Sirius knew from painful experience). She was just the kind of woman that you can spend long, happy life with, and James definitely deserved that.

On the other hand, his current situation wasn't that colorful. He moved out from his parents after he and Lily got married, meaning to start their independent, happy life, but soon after that the Potters got sick and, in the end, died.

 _It's over a month now._ Sirius glanced at the calendar on the wall in front of him. First few days were the worst, but recently it seemed like James got a little better and slowly getting back to normal. Of course, he wouldn't be getting there today nor tomorrow, but Sirius hoped he will improve with the passing time. At least he had Lily and his best friend close.

 _Speaking of friends..._ Sirius reached for the letters his owl had brought this morning. The one from the Order could wait, he really wasn't in the mood now. The one from Remus should be more interesting. Blah blah blah... Right, so he goes away for a while again, and of course he won't tell where or what for. At least he wrote that he leaves for a week. He'd been disappearing more often recently, and he didn't like sharing the details, which Sirius didn't like. Was Remus hiding something? Didn't he trust them anymore? He could tell them about the werewolf thing but he couldn't say what exactly he's got to do now? Something was not right here.

There were some bills as well, and nothing from the Blacks, but Sirius wasn't really disappointed since he hadn't expected anything from them. The last letter was short and just a bit unnerving.

 _I'll be at yours at two. Be sure to have alcohol._

 _James_

It didn't sound like a friendly meeting. Not to mention that two o'clock was a bit of an early hour for drinking. Something must've happened. But in that case, why didn't James come to him at once? Strange. Even stranger than Remus' behaviour. Apparently all of his friends had some mysterious things and only he was staying behind. That thought saddened him a little, so he quickly shook it off and got up.

Waiting for the hour of the meeting dragged on for an eternity. He didn't even know what had he been doing, but he was extremely relieved when he heard the door to his flat being opened and he went to meet James. His friend looked as if he'd drank something already. It wasn't the handsome and merry James that every girl looked at and every boy wanted to be friends with. This James was... just devastated. That was the only way to describe it. Sirius hadn't got a chance to even ask what had happened, he got his answer immediately.

"Lily is pregnant," said James in a husky voice. Sirius felt his eyes widen.

"So where's that alcohol?" His guest smiled faintly and went to the kitchen, where he sat in one of the chairs and threw his jacket on another. Sirius quickly cleaned up the remnants of his breakfast (he didn't have it in him to do it earlier) and put a bottle of rum on the table before sitting himself. In that situation most people would probably say "congratulations" but judging by James' face, it wouldn't be the best reaction. Besides, Sirius knew himself it wasn't a good moment for a baby.

"How long?" he asked instead while his friend pouring himself some alcohol.

"Seven weeks."

Sirius watched James drink half of the glass at once. He started to count. "So the baby will be born..."

"At the beginning of August. We've already counted," finished James.

"Well, then Moony wins the bet. I thought you'd get that before turning twenty."

Prongs smiled in the same way he had smiled at the door. It wasn't a happy smile, but Sirius was glad nonetheless for any kind of smile.

"In other circumstances it would probably be funny, but now... Merlin..." James took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "Everything is fucking up, Pads. Death Eaters everywhere, my parents are dead, and now Lily pregnant, and I'm just nineteen, as you noticed. We both are." He sighed. Sirius used _accio_ to get himself a glass.

"How did Lily react?"

"She's terrified." James put on his glasses. "She worries about everything. How will we manage on our own, if we'll be safe, if the baby will be safe, if she will carry it. At least she doesn't have to think about money, but that doesn't really improve anything. What we need most cannot be bought." He looked somewhere left. "I couldn't really tell her that, but I regret it happened. No baby, no problem. Life would go on. Maybe we would think about it some day, but for fuck's sake, not now..."

Sirius sipped his drink and bit his lower lip, looking at James. The silence between them was ringing with unspoken words.

"You know what I'm thinking about," he said eventually, and James nodded.

"I know. But Lily doesn't want to do that. Neither do I, not really. I would be happy, honestly, if only it wasn't now..."

"You're repeating yourself," Sirius interrupted. "It happened, that's it. If you're not gonna get rid of the baby, then there's nothing you can do. But it's not the end of the world. Quite the opposite. And you'll be alright! The Order will function without you, and you've got me and Remus..." Sirius felt bad for even thinking it, but he wasn't really sure Remus could be counted on anymore.

"I know, I know..." James agreed, even though it was evident that the words hadn't really helped him. "That's what I told her. That we can't change anything, that we've got friends and the money, that it's going to be okay. I had to try to cheer her up somehow. But when I got a chance, I went out to think and now I'm here. How am I supposed to help my wife if I don't feel like I can do this? I'm not ready to be a father yet..."

"The fact you're saying this means you know what a responsibility that is." Sirius was surprised himself that he said something so smart. James looked surprised as well. Well, good. Listening to _Everything will be alright_ probably wouldn't help him, he had to be shocked with something new. "Anyways, you're not yourself now. James would never doubt himself only because two marks appeared on some stick." Sirius even now had to brag about how much he learned from Lily about the Muggles' practical inventions. "Get a grip, okay? Once you're sorted, everything will be fine. I've known you for some time now and I know you did worse things than changing nappies. If you're feeling alright, then behave like it, and show Lily that the world isn't ending. And if you aren't, then at least pretend and fake it 'till you make it."

This time the smile on James' face seemed warmer and more honest.

"Thanks, mate," he said. "It's good to know I can count on you."

"You betcha." Sirius looked rather smug. "And you'll see, little Fleamont will count on his awesome uncle Sirius as well."

James snorted. "We don't even know if it's a boy and you've already got a name?"

"Why, you don't like it? It's nice, traditional. Your middle, and your father's first. Everything fits."

"I'm not naming my son Fleamont. I suffered enough when you started calling me that."

Sirius seemed to ignore him altogether. "And it would be cute, like Flea; we could be inseparable. Is there a feminine version?"

"I'm not naming the baby Fleamont!" repeated James.

"I don't think there is something like Fleamonce, but maybe Florence or..."

"I am _not_ naming him Fleamont!" James finally laughed. "Maybe you could wait and see what the mother thinks of it before you plan everything, right with the baby's career?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Okay. I will hear Lily out, but that doesn't mean I'm giving up my own ideas."

"Wouldn't dream of it." they both knew about it well enough.

Another hour passed like this. They drank a bit, talked a bit, but mainly Sirius was trying to cheer James up, hoping it would help him cope and take care of the problem. He wished optimism would be enough.

"Thanks for letting me come by," said James, preparing to leave.

"I didn't _let_ you. You just said you'd come."

"Thanks anyway." James smirked in a way that always made women swoon. Sirius involuntarily answered with a similar smile.

"You're welcome. You know my home's your home."

James hugged him as always when he made his goodbye.

"Remember it works both ways."

"I do. Tell Lily I'll be at dinner tomorrow."

"I think she's already figured it out."

James left and managed to wave his hand before Sirius closed the door and leaned against it with a heavy sigh.

Who would've thought that during wartime the biggest tragedy would be not death, but new life.


	2. Chapter 2

For the next week the Potters tried to adjust to the thought of becoming parents. Lily was doing quite well, thinking about everything rationally and making plans for the next few months. James, however, easily went from one extreme to another, one day being quite logical, after that being the happiest man on earth, and after that panicking like when he had found out. Sirius comforted himself with the thought that the last one was quite rare and usually lasted only a few moments. Although over enthusiastic James was also hard to stand.

"I think we should start decorating the room," he stated suddenly when he and Sirius were playing the Exploding Snap. Peter, sitting nearby, stopped watching the game and looked up at him.

"Istn't it a bit early?" he asked. Lily's belly was still flat, and the birth of the baby seemed very distant, sometimes even unreal. Only James couldn't stop thinking about it.

"That's what you think, but it's already been eight weeks. We've only got seven months, more or less."

"And you want to tell us that getting a few pieces of furniture and waving your wand will take you that long?" Sirius reached for a cigarette but restrained himself. Lily always told him not to smoke in the house but only since she got pregnant he took her seriously. James didn't even notice the move, looking somewhere else, distracted.

"It's not about the furniture. I want to do it properly. Repaint, make sure we've got everything we need, I'd like to take some time."

"Give it a rest." Sirius involuntarily bit his nail. He needed to do something with his mouth. Just a pen would be nice...

"They're right, James," said Lily, who sat in an armchair, painting her nails. "There's a lot of time, we don't have to worry about it yet."

James was visibly disappointed with their lack of interest, but Sirius was glad that she'd closed that topic so easily. He didn't want to say it out loud, but for him it was definitely too early to treat the baby seriously. He didn't really know a lot about it, but it probably was about the size of a bean, since there were no signs of the pregnancy. She didn't even have mood swings or the morning sickness that he'd heard all about every time someone mentioned planning a family. Basically everything was like it had been, not counting James' behaviour, who was more emotional about it than his wife.

After a beat of silence, Peter spoke out again.

"Have you thought about the names yet?" He looked at James, and James looked at Sirius.

"We can't agree in this one. Pads is stubborn and wants it to be Fleamont, I think the less complicated one the better."

"You're so untraditional!" resented Sirius. "So many beautiful names in our genealogical trees and you would probably choose David or Michael. Don't you think you should name the kid after someone special, someone you admire, who could set an example for him? Sirius Potter would sound really nice, for example."

"You are one of a kind. And there's no sense in naming the baby after you since you're still alive."

"So I should throw myself off the bridge to convince you? You're terribly dramatic, Prongs."

"You'd honestly kill yourself only so someone who'll appear in a few months could be named Sirius Potter?"

Sirius shrugged. "If I had to."

Peter turned to look at Lily with a bit of horror. She rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Typical, no one asks the mother what she thinks."

That was the first time she referred to herself as _mother_. Well, thought Sirius, if James is going to be a father, then Lily will be the mother. He didn't know why but it changed the way he looked at her. It seemed as if Lily was just someone who had classes with them, then she was James's crush, after that his girlfriend, but it wasn't serious then. It got serious when she became a fiancée, and then a wife. But it still wasn't something big, since the change from _girlfriend_ to _wife_ did not change that much in their lives. But now... now it was different. One can be a wife and still behave like a girlfriend, but becoming a mother has more consequences. Lily is going to be a mother. Like Orion and Walburga to him, like Fleamont and Euphemia to James. It was strange to think about, when not so long ago James and Sirius complained about theur parents and the mistakes they made that drove them mad. How many of these mistakes will they make?

When he thought about it like that he started to understand James's panic. He felt weak.

"Why do you keep saying it will be a boy?" asked Peter, looking at them again. They both shrugged.

"It will be more fun with a boy."

"He will be able to look up to me."

Peter wasn't convinced.

"No, I also think it will be a boy. Pity he won't be a normal boy with a father and uncle like that." She said _pity_ but her smirk told them she didn't really mind that James and Sirius would be setting an example for her son. They both grinned in response.

"By the way, where's Remus?" Peter once again interrupted the silence. The room was visibly lacking one person.

"He went on a journey somewhere." James didn't look up from his cards. Sirius pretended he didn't care.

"Does he even know Lily's pregnant? I haven't seen him around for a while now."

"He does, I sent him an owl. He answered with congratulations and that he'll visit when he's free."

In that moment one of Sirius' cards exploded.

"I'm going to smoke," he said and went outside, stopping at a pavement and watching the sleet. Remus' long and frequent travels only served to frustrate him. Where the hell is he? What can be more important than friends in a moment like that? Knowing that his friend was hiding something wasn't helping when Lily and James' lives were moving forward and his own wasn't moving at all.

"It seems now it's just you and me." Sirius looked at the cigarette before he lit it, inhaled the smoke and then let it out in a long sigh. Watching the smoke dissipate in the air was soothing.


End file.
